How to Feel Hot
Okay, let’s get real -
I’ve struggled my entire life with my self-concept and self-confidence. There were times in my life when I truly felt beautiful, hot, and worthy, and times when my body dysmorphia would flare, and I would question everything about the way I look and what I had to offer the world as an individual. I would in no uncertain terms “feel ugly.”
I think this is something that most people have felt and gone through at some point or another in their lives. Social media has also completely warped our idea of what normal faces and bodies really look like. But throughout my life, I’ve witnessed the most beautiful, conventionally attractive people nitpick everything about themselves and feel awful, when I view them as flawlessly gorgeous. In those moments, I realized I had immense grace for them but was still doing the same thing to myself. Why, in every aspect of my life, did I have so much love and understanding for others, but never for myself?
I took an extended break from dating to work on myself and my mental health, because having an external person validating me was putting a band-aid over my true wound of poor self-concept. I began receiving male attention at a very young age. It came to a point where, by the time I was 11/12, I believed the way I looked was the only value I had as a person. But receiving that kind of attention so young definitely created unhealthy distortions in me, and I didn’t realize that until recently. I know for certain that I am not the only woman who experienced sexualization from a young age, and in fact, I think most women, unfortunately, experience this. This has created a shame around feeling “sexy.”
My confidence was something that was really affecting me negatively and something I knew I had to address, but I didn’t really know how or where to start. I worried a lot about coming off as conceited or full of myself, and I think women are expected to have a level of humbleness. As the oldest daughter of an immigrant, that humbleness factor was deeply ingrained in me. But if I was really going to pursue Luz’s World, and life as a creative in general, this was something I had to at least begin working actively towards. Two things in particular have helped me throughout this journey.
Confidence Evoking and The Alter Ego
Confidence Evoking:
Confidence Evoking is a concept that comes from the book Feel Better, No Matter What by Michael James. One of the main themes is radical/unconditional self-acceptance. I’ve spent my whole life hating traits about myself that others deemed “wrong” or “too much.” My emotional expressiveness, for example, or the way I would experiment with clothing that defied what was socially acceptable within my environment. I fully accept that I am not perfect, I will never be perfect (there’s no such thing), and I have made mistakes, some bigger than others. But there came a point where I had to decide: am I going to hate myself and beat myself forever, or am I going to use it as an opportunity to evolve? I am stuck with myself for the rest of my life, whether I like it or not, so I might as well enjoy who I am.
Honestly, I’ve come to realize how mental/mindset-based beauty can be. Whether or not I think I look good, I still look the same, objectively speaking. The belief that I look good serves me more than the belief that I don’t. It’s been hard, and I definitely slip back a lot, but what I’ve been trying to do is when the thoughts that I look bad come up, I will do one of the confidence-evoking techniques and rewire myself to affirm that actually I am beautiful.
Confidence Evoking is summoning the feeling of being confident, powerful, capable, beautiful, etc. These feelings can be provoked, for example, by specific thoughts, clothing, memories, etc. These are the main ways I implement this concept into my life.
Clothing:
Clothing, in particular, really helps me achieve this. I notice instantly how I feel about myself when I’m wearing old sweats vs. a super cute or hot outfit. It helps me lean into a higher version of myself, who knows she’s a baddie and walks through the world embodying that feeling.
Photos:
Probably the most effective method I use to evoke confidence in myself. I have an album on my phone titled “HOT” and I add photos where I felt so good about myself, whether it was a cute outfit pic from a night out or just a selfie where I was feeling myself. It’s the type of pics that affirm to me that the body is tea and my face card is always on. Whenever I feel bad about myself or ugly, I just go through all the photos on this album, and I guarantee that if you do this too, you will feel an instant confidence boost. Even if I’m lying in bed in my pajamas, I remind myself that the girl in the photos is still me and I am beautiful, and there’s proof right there.
Music:
Music is so powerful for me, and pretty much always evokes some sort of feeling or energy. I have (several) “hot girl” playlists that I listen to when I need a quick confidence boost. It’s super helpful to listen to when I work out or am getting ready. You can save my “That’s hot” playlist here
“Hottest Girl in the Universe” Stickers for sale here. I made this to remind myself that I’m the hottest girl in my Universe, and you’re the hottest one in yours ;)
The Alter- Ego Effect
I have a post on my Instagram about this concept, and it’s actually where the idea for “Luz” came from. The Alter-ego effect comes from the book The Alter Ego Effect: The Power of Secret Identities to Transform Your Life by Todd Herman. This is basically exactly what it sounds like. You create a character, “secret identity,” a higher version of yourself. The separation does help me a bit, and I tell myself that Luz is who I am actively becoming. I try to handle situations and conversations the way she would because my current version of self still gets really scared sometimes to do the things I know I want to do. To Luz, they are normal. Channeling her helps me move forward towards my goals, even if it’s not linear or as fast as I want it to be. Luz has all the qualities I want and more importantly, the life I want.
-With lots of love, Luz
